TEJU ("teach you") finance

One of my readers asked for a post on how to handle dating (or marrying) when the woman is the more “successful” partner in the relationship. I think it might be a good one for a week that puts an incredible amount of pressure on men to come up with something memorable, unique, romantic and more impressive than his girlfriend/wife’s peer circle. 

If you are one of those guys hitched up to a successful woman (or even vice-versa) and are sweating Valentine’s Day a bit this time around… here are a few things to remember to maybe take some of the pressure off “outdoing” what she would do for herself or some hotshot wallet could do for her.

1. She is with you because she wants to be with you. You add something to her life that she can not attain in her own success and its important for you to remember that it has very very little to do with material things. Whether you are her intellectual companion or the hug she looks forward to everyday… the guy who makes her laugh just by looking at her a certain way or the one who picks up a book you thought she might like when you swung through the bookstore… there are so many ways you add richness to her life that have nothing to do with your earning power.
2. If she’s “successful,” she likely faces one-ups-man-ship day in and day out at work and isn’t looking for it when she spends time with the people in her inner circle. By just relaxing and finding a way to romance her that is meaningful to her, you’ll go a long way. For example, bringing home a freshly serviced and washed car for her might be an even better and more romantic valentine than a bunch of red roses at the office. Or one lily with a handwritten card attached and a promise of a candlelit foot rub on the day of her choosing might seem like heaven to someone who has little time to pamper herself. Speak to her in her love language and you’ll succeed whether you have two pennies or two bills to rub together for heart day.
3. If your woman is successful, its likely she’s a planner, so I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell you to MAKE A PLAN for the occasion. She may let you slide with a mellow attitude most of the year, but on this day, give her the gift of making a plan and letting her enjoy the day without having to make the plans herself. Even if you aren’t in the same place to celebrate, make a few phone calls and make her day special. You can order almost anything online these days and if you are reading this, you know how to use the internet.

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I’m not going to tell you how to best romance your woman. After all, stuffed bears and chocolates do it for some women and induce the gag reflex in others… so your success resides mainly in how well you’ve been paying attention to your girl, your ability to laugh it off when nothing goes according to plan and your willingness to be open for what the night will bring.

I can say this, in all of my life, the presents I cherished the most from men came from the deepest places in their heart… the morning wildflowers left on my doorstep with a note, the special dinner at the place where we had our first date, the surprise concert of music we both loved, a series of love letters spanning the week of Valentine’s, the beautiful autumn leaf sent from another state when we couldn’t be together,  the consistent delivery of my favorite flowers over the course of our relationship, an anniversary picnic on the beach at sunset and finally a song sung into my answering machine — the one I shared with 10 sorority sisters in college — of him singing and playing guitar to a song he wrote just for me… I still remember the lyrics and all the wistful tears and laughter from my suite-mates as they listened along with me.

You don’t have to be a rock star… you just need to be sincere.